T. C. Beverly's Literary Reviewsday: The Lovely Bones

The Lovely Bones is about Suzy Salmon,  a teenage girl who, after being raped and murdered, watches from her personal Heaven as her family and friends struggle to move on with their lives while she comes to terms with her own death. The book's author, Alice Sebold, has been lauded for being able to juggle a very diverse mix of genres writting this book. It's a period novel, that switches from family drama to religious fantasy and finally to provocative crime novel.

Now, I didn't read this book, namely because rape makes me uncomfortable. I believe when the movie came out, they left that scene out, the first good decision Peter Jackson's made since 2003.

Now lets talk about the readers ability to identify with a novels protagonist. I am a black man who wasn't alive in the seventies, has never been raped and murdered and hasn't gone on any gay adventure through a faggy heaven, and Suzy Salmon is literally the opposite of that. I have no problem with reading about people unlike me, but when someone is literally everything I am not, well come on.... come on.

Oh and that name, Suzy Salmon? That neighbor of hers did her a favor ( I don't mean that).

This weeks book, unlike most of the other books I've been asked to review, offers a rare shortcut for a book reviewer. THEY MADE A MOVIE!!! A movie I wouldn't watch if it were being projected on Victoria Beckhams tits. Mark Whalberg as a dad, no thanks. Stanley Tucci with a pedophile mustache, no thanks. Rachael Weisz, no thanks.

And the girl in it, Soairse Ronan, I don't like the way she makes me feel. Makes me feel Tucci.

So yeah, fuck this sentimental horse shit. 1 star (trying out a rating system. see if I like it).

I'm also trying another new thing this week. I'm actually going to tell the people at Inquisitive Online a book I'm interested in reviewing. Next week I'd like to review literally any book that doesn't have a teenage girl getting raped and murdered in the first one hundred pages are you out of your goddamned minds you lunatics.

Peace faggots.


T. C. Beverly