Marcus Bachmann Raped For The 127th Time In Same Hotel Room, By The Same Puerto Rican Man.

Police Sketch of Suspect

Minnesota - Today Inquisitive Online got a familiar E-mail from the Washington County Sheriff  Department who got a familiar dispatch from Lake Elmo 9-1-1 who got a familiar call from hotel clerk Rishiid Peran. I'm sure you know what I'm Talking about by now.

That's right. For the 127th time, Dr. Marcus L. Bachmann has been raped in room 12B of the Lake Elmo Holiday Inn.

It seems that not even Holiday Inns are safe anymore.  Once again the middle aged Puerto Rican serial rapist, responsible for assaulting Mr. Bachmann 126 other times, the first dating all the way back to Marcus' first year in college, has done it again. Unbelievable. I can not believe it.

Fed up with Washington County Police Departments inability to catch the monster who has hurt him time and time again, Marcus Bachmann sat down with me and gave an exhausting description of the perpetrator in hopes that one of our reader could help.

I met with Dr. Bachmann at his home in Stillwater, MN. The man I saw was much different from the saucy, sassy and dare I say electric Marcus Bachmann we're used to seeing saunter around America with his wife Michelle. This Marcus Bachmann was saucy, sassy and yes I dare say it again, electric, but sitting down. Wrapped in a blanket and still recovering from number 127.

Still the perfect gentlemen, Marcus offered a BJ ( black jalapeno ), some HJ ( hot jambalaya) and a frottage ( ? ). We got straight to business as he described his attacker. The following Is Mr. Bachmann's exact, in depth description. Take it away Marcus.

"My attacker is about twenty-two even though he swears he's forty-five. Yeah right.

He's Puerto Rican, but not in a scary way. He's got a non-scary Puerto Rican face, Greek biceps, Chilean chest muscles, Argentinean abs, a Bolivian Buttock and frisky Hispanic hands.

He's 6 foot 2 inches of pure muscular terror. He would look good with a mustache but won't grow one because HE'S STUBBORN! I may or may not have heard him mention a shitty wife who doesn't appreciate him or love him the way she should be loved.

He's got brown eyes, brown hair and brown skin. He looks like a chocolate sculpture of Paul Walker. Meanwhile look at me. I look like a white chocolate sculpture of Angela Merkel."

He kind of Does.

"Listen, I just want this man brought to justice. I want to be able to go to that hotel room at the two in the afternoon on a Tuesday by myself without having  a mad man force hot, passionate, ground shaking rape on me. Is this too much to ask?"

I don't think it is Mr. Bachmann. I want to live in a country where all hotels are rape free. But sadly that's not the country we live in. Thanks alot Obama-care.


UPDATE: John Travolta assaulted by same Puerto Rican man. Marcus Bachmann furious.



Z. A. Aycock